Written in 2013, inspired by a lifetime of struggles with religion, with some lyrics formulated around 2012 when I was constantly sick and felt like death.
lyrics
A dirty bill of health it seems has taken its toll on me
My body is just giving up when I feel I haven't lived enough
Joints like an old man and pain in these artist hands
My bones they don't properly work, dear God why must you be such a jerk?
Because you always get what's coming to you
Let me understand the logic if that's true
Even if you're nice you still pay the price
For all those fucks that get by on luck
So karma's just a bullshit theory made to deal because clearly
A man's only as good as the backs that he's stabbed
I'm a hypochondriac, a hypocrite, insomniac
And I've driven myself insane obsessing over the mundane
I don't know whose life this is, this God-fearing atheist
But when God stopped believing in me, oh lord I was set free
No I'm not a pessemist, not trying to be negative
And no I will not change creed, God no you won't change me
But Christ I've been doing the best that I can, still looking out unselfishly for every other man
And when you only serve a part in someone else's plan well can't I get pissed off now and again?
People walk around so selfishly and they say to their friends would you please pray for me
And oh God please just give me some strength so that this week I just might pay
For smart phones and designer t-shirts -- God, I ask what's it worth?
I'd rather be one of your damned souls than my mind by an ignorant, gaping hole
I've got to tear my eyes from this screen so that I might attempt some sleep
And while my aching muscles finally get some peace, my faith is just as sore as the rest of me
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